Tain't No Sin

Li-berry

I totally have to write a book about all the crazies at the library. This could be better than MP's Pizza Delivery stories. Maybe we'll co-author it. What do you think Mike?

Here's some of the characters with whom I already have plenty to work with:

Growly "Can I Have A Cigarette" Guy
Nice, but obviously malnourished "Can I Have One of Those (Cigarette)" Guy
Trashy way-too-many-tattoos Mom (pentagram tats so went out with hair metal)
Political Activist Guy with unusually well-groomed beard
Guy who rolls his own cigarettes on the bench by the employee entrance- unusally well groomed for someone who I see at the library almost daily, though he rides a bike, so here's the back story I've come up with...

GWRHOCOTBBTEE used to have a nice, secure, high paying job. He has a nice house, with a wife that's too pretty for him and two sons. Everything was going fine until April 28, when he lost his job after discovering the company president had been using the employees' flex-spending accounts to take trips with his 23 year old lover. Upon losing his job, he had a small break-down and took up smoking. But cigarettes are expensive, which lead him to rolling his own (his actually quite good at it now). He can't tell his wife he lost his job and sold his Mercedes, so he told her it had to get sent back to Europe for some updates (she's hot, but not all there), and that Dave from the gym would pick him up. So every morning, before his wife and sons awake, GWRHOCOTBBTEE leaves for "work," which involves sneaking out quickly and running to the park in which he stashed his bike under a bush. He then rides over to the library, sits on the bench, and rolls his own cigarettes all day. Also, his bike is really old and rusty so he obviously found it in an abandoned barn...

So, that's what we have to start with. I'm all in.

So yeah, and if you ever have a surplus of cigarettes to get rid of, just stand in front of your local library. They'll be gone in two shakes of a cat's tail.

posted by Paul @ 10:37 AM